Walking Out and Cracking Open

In his book “Notes on Love and Courage”, Hugh Prather writes:

“Yes there are other considerations. There is no end to the considerations: feelings of the people involved, your word, your commitments, the possible consequences. But a time can come when there isn’t much of you left, and all you have is enough strength to act, just enough to put an end to it by turning your back and walking out.”

These words so perfectly describe my struggle to separate from my husband. There was so much to consider, but in the end, I realized it was best to go. Coming to this heavy decision and moving out was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I am normally a very high energy person, but the whole process left me exhausted. I spent the first few months in what could be called a cocoon-like state. Basically, I made it to work, ate and slept A LOT. I can’t remember ever sleeping as hard or as often as I did during those first few months.

As my energy slowly returned, I felt a very strong urge to document and work through what had happened and how I was feeling. I created a google doc titled “The D Word” and started writing. I have never been much of a writer, but something inside me was cracking open and all the feelings and thoughts I had stuffed for the past 25+ years came pouring out. Needless to say, there was quite a lot to process and express.

A number of months into this, I was introduced to the Mudroom Blog by my friend, Jessica Sanborn. This blog accepts posts from guest writers and I noticed their December theme “Solitude, Silence and Sanctification”, fit with something I had already written. I took a chance and sent it in. Since expressing myself through writing is so new to me, my expectation for acceptance was low. So, I was quite surprised and elated when they published my post, “Silence is Where the Magic Happens”.

This piece of encouragement inspired me to create this blog; the focus of which is a bit different than what is contained in “The D Word” doc.  It also gave me the courage to share more the difficult feelings I explored in that document. Today, they published my latest post, “The Eye of the Hurricane”.

I am so very grateful to Tammy at the Mudroom for her encouraging words and support. I invite you to explore the variety of topics and great writers featured there.

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